What is an open adoption?

Many adoptions today are open. What is an open adoption? An open adoption means there is some level of communication between the birth mom (or birth parents) and the adoptive parents. At a minimum, this is in the form of letters and pictures sent by the adoptive parents, via an agency, to the birth parents once a year. As the relationship grows between the birth parents and the adoptive parents, the amount of openness can evolve if it feels right for both parties, but doesn’t have to evolve if it doesn’t feel comfortable for both parties.

What are the advantages?

There are many advantages of openness in an adoption. These advantages are in favor of all three members of the adoption triad: the birth mother, the adoptive couple and the child. Often the birth mother and the adoptive couple will meet, prior to the birth of the child, and get to know each other. This gives the birth mother the opportunity to “choose” who her child will be placed with, and gives her a sense of what the presumptive adoptive couple are like. On the other side, meeting the birth mother gives the adoptive couple an opportunity to see and get to know the birth mother, hopefully find out some medical history and ethnic background, as well as learn about the heritage and genealogy of the child.

Having this information will provide answers to the future questions which will arise from the child as he/she grows. The third and most important advantage of an open adoption is for the child. By knowing his/her adoption story as he/she grows, he/she will think of being adopted as a fact (like having blond hair and blue eyes), and not as a negative connotation which makes him/her feel different. Disclosing to a child at eighteen that he/she is adopted puts that person at a psychological disadvantage. Knowing that he/she is adopted from infancy is much healthier and easier for the child to accept. Open adoptions promote healthy adoptions.

How open was our first adoption?

In our son’s adoption, after meeting and getting to know his birth parents prior to his birth, and them getting to know us, we all felt comfortable having a fully disclosed adoption. We exchange pictures, letters and e-mails directly. They have sent our son Christmas gifts, and we always send them flowers on his birthday. This is not the usual case, but it is right for our situation. We realize that this level of openness may or may not be right for our next adoption situation. We recognize that the level of openness will be determined by all members involved as the adoption relationship grows. We believe strongly in the advantages of an open adoption, because we believe in having a healthy adoption for the child.

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